Engaged = Single?

I went to a wedding in March of this year that completely confirmed one decision I've made about our wedding.  Here I am sitting at my table having idle chit chat with the people I've been seated with and minding my own business when all of a sudden, people around me started saying my name.  I did everything I could to ignore them but it was just not possible.  In fact, even the girl with the stupid microphone up front who I definitely don't know started saying my name, calling me up there.  What did they want you ask?  Well, all these girls were lined up waiting to catch the bouquet.  And for some reason, the bride (and everyone else in the room) felt that they couldn't possibly do the bouquet toss without me.  All my attempts to hide behind my cake, under the table, or in the bathroom were to no avail.

Source

They all knew my name.  The bride wouldn't throw her flowers without me standing in the crowd with the single girls, also known as the people under the age of 21.  I didn't realize that the ring on my finger only counted if it was double stacked.  According to all of them, I was engaged but still single.

Let me tell you all a little secret.  I'm the next one in that room to get married.  I didn't need to catch the stupid bouquet to tell me that.  Unless the 8 year old next to me gets engaged and married by the end of the summer I think my position is safe.  So, I did what any other self-respecting "engaged-but-still-single" girl would do.  I hid.  Yes, I hid in the back behind the 8 year old.  And while all the girls were fighting over the bouquet, I hightailed it out of there back to my table. 

Source

And this, my friends, is why we're not doing a bouqet toss.  Or a garter toss.  I hate it as a single person and I think I'll hate it once I'm married too.  No one wants to stand in front of a crowd of married people and be like, "hey look at me, I'm still single!"  No. one.  And for that matter, there's no need for my pastor, grandmother, and the children I teach Sunday School to, to see the Mister with his head up my dress as he takes off the garter that's only purpose is to make me uncomfortable and itchy. 

So, sorry to all of you who love this tradition but it's just not happening at our wedding.  And to all the single people who are planning to attend:  You're welcome.