Just Say No

All kinds of controversial topics come up when you start planning a wedding.  Pretty much anything is fair game, and people feel free to ask questions that, at any other time, would be completely inappropriate.  Personally, I think they are still inappropriate, but since I've been asked some of these questions on multiple occasions, I'm guessing others would disagree. 

Last week, I was walking down the hall at work with a friend and she mentioned in passing that we should definitely have a prenup.  I did a double-take as the conversation went on.  It went a little something like this: 

Friend:  You should definitely have a prenup.
Me:  Umm.. what?
Friend:  It's so important, I personaly wouldn't get married without one.  I'm definitely going to have one. 
Me:  Oh. 
Friend:  Are you going to have one?
Me:  Well, no.  We're not. 
Friend:  Really?!?  Why not?  I can't imagine not having one. 
Me:  Well, in my opinion, if you have one, you are walking down the aisle with the expectation that your marriage won't last. 
Friend:  Well, I understand what you're saying, but I just would feel so much better having one.

Now, this friend is single, which doesn't mean she doesn't know what she wants for her future, but she's a long way away from having this discussion or making this decision with her actual future spouse.  I know that a lot of people choose to have a prenup, and I'm not saying one way is better than the other.  I'm just saying that, for us, it's not happening.  I know, I know.  No one walks down the aisle expecting that the marriage won't last, and in reality, only about 50% of them actually do.  It makes sense to protect yourselves in the event that it happens.  But I don't want to start off our marriage on that foot.  I want us to go into this knowing that we'll be together forever and we'll never need to carry out the terms of a prenuptial agreement.  Besides, the only thing we'd be protecting is our debt since we've both been in school most of our lives, so it's not exactly like we have family fortunes to protect.  Our marriage is going from each of use being in the red to the two of us being even more in the red.  Not exactly something worth protecting. 

So, anyway, when it comes to a prenup, we're of the "Just say No" opinion.  Thoughts? 

Wedding Woes

Let me just preface this post by saying: Beware!  Major vent session ahead.  Please turn back if you're looking for fluffy, lovey wedding details. 

Okay, now that that's out of the way, onward and upward we go.  When I've seen a lot of women get engaged, the wedding consumes them.  Every moment of every day is filled with thoughts of centerpieces, day-of makeup, vows, and RSVP cards.  Many of these brides-to-be can't have a full conversation without it coming back to their wedding because it's what they spend most of their time thinking about.  Here's a big confession:  I'm not one of those women.

Let's be honest here.  As much as I am so so so happy to be marrying my best friend, I am so over this wedding!  Well, no, not really the wedding.  Just talking about the wedding.  Don't get me wrong, I am having a great time planning this wedding and doing all the details.  I'm a detail person so I really, truly am loving it all.  But, everywhere I turn, everyone I see, the first thing they ask me about when they see me is the wedding! 

"How are the wedding plans coming?"

"What wedding stuff have you been working on?"

"Any wedding updates?"

And yes, believe it or not:

"What's your menu going to be?" 

Ughh..  I know that I probably sound completely ungrateful here and a little ridiculous as you are currently reading a blog all about my wedding.  I know that people care about me and that's why they want to know all the nitty gritty details and I'm having a lot of fun blogging about everything and telling you all what our plans are.  But I have to be honest and say, I am most thankful when I see someone who I haven't seen in awhile and the first words out of their mouth are "So, how are you doing?" or "How are things going in your life?"  I have so much more going on in my life than this wedding and, as much as I love every one of these people who have asked me the aforementioned questions, I am so thankful for the few minutes I have with people where I can talk about the ridiculous amount of work I have to do before leaving for this conference, about the issues I've been having with this guy at work, or about the time I came home from work and my lovely, well-behaved cat unraveled an entire ball of yarn throughout my entire apartment.  After the conversation about these other parts of my life, then I feel like wedding details will inevitably come out.  I'm just wishing that people asked about me first, wedding second. 

I know, I know.  You'll all tell me that these people are just excited for me and want to share in my happiness.  But, the wedding is just a day.  It's a wonderful thing and it's going to be an awesome party, but it's just a day.  I want these people who care about me to ask about my wonderful fiance.  About how we met or how he proposed.  What kinds of things we like to do together and what things are in our future together.  Because the wedding is just an outward symbol of the two of us joining these details together for life.

At the end of the day, I'll continue to answer these same questions over and over with a smile on my face because I love the people who are asking the questions.  But I just had to get this off my chest.  I love my fiance more than anything and I can't wait for October 15th to come.  But until that day, I welcome the conversations that are about anything but.